Practical tips for arranging a one-night stand via app in New Zealand

Getting dressed up and hitting the club used to be the only way to find a hot night of passion. Today, dating apps and casual dating websites can assist with the search. What are the advantages?

First, you know that anyone using these sex apps is, like you, looking for a strictly one-night affair. Both male and female users want to stay anonymous and have fun without commitment.

Sound too good to be true?

Admittedly, there are a couple of challenges involved in securing an ONS via app. Many users give up too soon, not understanding why they’re not succeeding. Other are wary that the profiles are not who they say they are.

Why do people find it so tricky?

To succeed, it’s vital to understand the two most important rules for dating via sex apps:

• Sex apps and dating portals for arranging one-night stands online are tools – nothing more, nothing less. It sometimes takes a while to learn how to use them effectively – but once you’ve done so, your success rate will speak for itself. You’ll have fun and (hopefully) get to know interesting people in the process.
• As a man, you should understand what women want from a good one-night stand. But have no fear – the requirements are often simpler than you think.

To sum up: If you’re looking for a one-night stand online, you need the right tool (the app), the right tips and tricks and an understanding of what women want from sexual encounters in order to make it worth their while.

Once you’ve addressed these requirements, there’s nothing standing in the way of you and countless nights of amazing, no-strings sex.

Here’s how: finding a one-night stand via app in NZ

Your profile: your ticket to a date

As a short browse on any NZ dating site will tell you, great pictures are a turn-on. A cheeky (or at least approachable) smile combined with well-fitting or sexy clothing is more than enough to get pulses racing.

When women study men’s profiles, it’s no different. They, too, want to see attractive potential matches whose appearance ignites the imagination. But a good profile picture can do even more than that.

Good pictures are a gift to anyone who takes time to look at your profile. Uploading good-quality pictures shows you have style and know what your romantic prospects are looking for.

By contrast, blurry, run-of-the-mill or carelessly snapped pics send their own message: that you don’t know how to present yourself and don’t care whether you’re perceived as attractive. They say: behind this profile is a lazy bore with no taste – waiting just for you! 😉

So, what’s they trick to getting good pictures? Is a photographer essential?

The answer is no. No need to overthink things! Above all, we appear attractive to others when we are our authentic selves. This means you don’t need to pose in front of the mirror or with your shirt off. A nice shirt or a casual t-shirt can be just as sexy.

Mistakes to avoid with profile pictures

Avoid pictures that show you with lots of women. From these, women will get the impression that they are destined to be one of many and are likely to click straight off your profile.

When choosing the number of photos, consider that the fewer you upload, the better quality they should be. 3-5 photos is typically best, though 2 can work if they tick the right boxes.

Your profile bio

Those who are choosy, win.

What exactly is meant by this?

We as humans, are individuals – and that’s a good thing. In a professional environment, it’s less important that two people ‘click’ on a personal level and are on the same wavelength. Sex, on the other hand, is often only really good if two people are compatible in certain areas and have a degree of mutual connection.

The good news is that unless you’re into really unusual stuff, there are plenty of women out there who’ll be a great (sexual) fit for you. However, the opposite is also true:

There’ll be women with whom you’re not quite on the same wavelength. How do you separate the first group from the second? That’s right – with your profile bio.

In other words:

The right profile bio can save you wasting time on chats and meet with women you wouldn’t click with in bed. This really can’t be stressed enough. So:

Be choosy!

Be honest about who you are and state your preferences and your wishes.

For example, if you’re…

Direct and serious
“Wanted: intelligent, self-assured woman for an afternoon of fun. Let’s start with a casual cocktail and see where it takes us.”

Dominant
“I like taking the lead in bed and am looking for women who enjoy being dominated. Experience, respect and discretion (if desired) are guaranteed. Everything else can be discussed in private.”

Easy-going and adventurous
“I’m into tattoos, piercings and women with an adventurous side. If you’re comfortable without makeup, have a sense of humour and don’t mind leaving the light on, I’d love to get to know you."

All about give and take
“According to my ex-wife, sex was never the problem. Work was a different matter. If you, like me, are looking for weekend fun without commitment, I’d love to meet you (and if you’ve bought sexy lingerie for the occasion, the drinks are on me).”

Mistakes to avoid for a successful bio

• For both men and women, it’s important to remember that requirements and expectations vary with age. Shallow jokes might be okay among 23-year-olds; at 43, they’re likely to perceived as childish and poorly judged.
• Many women look negatively on a lack of experience, since it often means less satisfaction for them. If you are unexperienced, you should try to familiarise yourself quickly with what women expect in bed. You could also ask your partner to show you what she does and doesn’t like.
• Never use your bio to complain about previous bad experiences. Visitors to your profile are looking for no-strings fun and enjoyable sex, not to listen to your grumbles. Of course, you have the right to expect the same from potential matches, too.

Securing your first one-night stand: the right way to chat

Your profile should now be complete. Women can see your pictures and are (hopefully) interested in getting to you know. Great! Now you need to know what to say.

Our tips for the opening message:

• When you write to a woman, always use her nickname. Otherwise, your message can come across as impersonal.
• Keep it casual.
• Refer to her profile bio, if she has one.
• Keep it short and sweet. An opening message should be no longer than 10 sentences.
• State a couple of the things that you like best about her.
• Make a suggestion for the first date.

For example:

“Hey (Name),
I love your profile photo – black looks really good on you. Do you fancy a date? If yes – coffee, cocktails, walk – what do you feel like?

Would love to hear from you.
(Your name) xxx“

Generally speaking, what you actually write is less than important than avoiding the ‘no-gos’ listed below:

• If it is not immediately clear that your potential match is up for sex chat, such chat should be strictly avoided at first! Many women need to feel comfortable in a man’s presence before they are happy to talk about sex.
• Do not use your opening message to talk down other members of the platform or complain about bad experiences. Potential partners will perceive this as childish and unoriginal.
• Never use the message to ask for personal details. To begin with, treat the last name and address of your potential partner as ‘no-go area’. Instead, take it as a sign of trust when she eventually reveals things of her own accord.

If you’re still a relatively new to arranging dates via app, it’s only natural that you’ll be a little nervous.

The problem:

When we’re nervous, we comes across as unsure and unassertive. We speak in a rushed and agitated way. But while a certain degree of nervousness is inevitable, there are a couple of tricks that almost always help:

The night before, lay out what you want to wear – underwear and shoes included. This helps to avoid last-minute stress.

Only choose clothes in which you feel 100% comfortable. However, try to give at least a hint of sex appeal. On this occasion, the self-knitted reindeer pullover should stay in the wardrobe.

Do some exercise before the first date. This will help to beat the adrenaline and make you feel relaxed. In addition, try not to concentrate your thoughts on sex. Even women seeking no-strings fun will usually want to chat for a while and be sure that they can relax with you. Even if you get down to business on the same night, you’ll have more than enough time to recover afterwards.

Drink alcohol only in moderation and take care of your breath. Not all women like the smell or taste of beer. If you get an indication that this is the case, check with your date or let her choose the drinks.

Flirting is a game

For best results, view dates and one-night stands as a sort of ‘game’. Have fun with it! What does she like? What turns her off? What topics of conversation are best to break the ice? In which drinking venues do you feel most at home?

The better you know yourself, the easier you’ll find it to feel comfortable in the company of a woman you don’t know. Remember:

When it comes to sex apps and one-nights stands, who you are in life is not important. Your career, your bank balance, your long-term dreams – none of this is important when two people meet for the simple purpose of having good sex.

Lola: “I love blind dates and one-night stands. They’re like Christmas – you never know what you’re going to get. It’s also really great when a man sits opposite you and you can see: he wants me, but because he’s a gentleman, he’s going to wait for me to make the first move. Seeing his eyes light up when I tell him he can kiss me… it’s incredible! After that, I’m happy to hand him the reins.”

Christian Grey is the protagonist in the book ‘50 Shades of Grey’. With more than 100 million copies sold worldwide, what makes the character so attractive to women?

Well, he has money. Many men believe …

…that this is all that women are interested in. Yet if we look more closely, we see that while women like financial independence (who doesn't?), wealth alone is very rarely enough to earn their favour.

So if it’s not about money, then what? A closer look at the character reveals:

• Christian Grey is self-assured. He knows who he is and what he likes.
• He is able to speak openly about his wishes and ideas.
• He is consistently respectful and honest. He lets Anastasia know what he wants from her and gives her time to come to terms with it.
• He shows himself to be responsible and open. He keeps his promises, which makes it easier for Anastasia to relax in his presence.

What we can learn from his behaviour?

You don’t need to be a fan of BDSM to make use of Christian’s recipe for success. The point is: if you make the effort to be clear about what you’re looking for, finding it will be that much easier. And whatever your sexual preferences, remember:

Self-assurance makes people sexy!

How to become self-assured? By gathering experience. Here, sex apps and one-night stands are no different than any other area of life. Practice makes perfect! 😊

Sabbie: “It’s so annoying when men think that acting ‘dominant’ will bring me to my knees. On the other hand, there’s little more attractive than a man who can say what they want and still behave respectfully. If the rest is also a good fit, I’ve no problem letting myself go and seeing where it takes us.”

And one more thing:

From the beginning, Christian Grey makes clear to Anastasia that he wants her – and only her. Of course, this approach is rather difficult to emulate on one-night stands, since these are just the kinds of promises you’re (presumably) looking to avoid. But nevertheless…

On date night, should your attention be focused solely on the woman sitting across from you. Your phone should be on silent. (It goes without saying that you can expect the same courtesy in return.)

Men who write to too many women at once will quickly realise that they’re scoring an own goal. If nothing else, this realisation will come when several women reply at once, expecting a quick answer.

So how should it really be done? Should you chat to only one woman at a time and wait for her reply?

The answer is – no, of course not. It’s totally okay to write to multiple women in quick succession, since it is likely that not all of them will answer. Experience shows that it will probably take some time to score a date, and this is completely normal.

Our tip:

Browse everyone in the app and write to 3-5 women who really interest you and who share your interests. The advantages of this tactic are:

• You get a general picture of what’s available
• You have enough time to draft an individual message for each match
• If multiple women accept your offer of a first date, you can arrange several dates in a short period of time – just be sure to leave 2 days between each.

Shyness can be a serious problem for men. Unfortunately, many go about overcoming it the wrong way.

Of course, alcohol can help. It reduces inhibitions and gets the blood flowing. Red wine is said to be an aphrodisiac to some.

But being completely honest…

Do you really want to have to turn to alcohol every time you’re required to flirt? Undoubtedly, it would be nice if you could also manage without it.

So what to do?

Address the root cause of the problem. What makes you feel nervous in the presence of a woman? Are you afraid of possible rejection?

If so, try to overcome this fear. Even the most professional daters get turned down occasionally. Besides, when it comes to women, the topic of sex is naturally less straightforward than for men. Why?

For many women, the menstrual cycle has a significant influence on their appetite for sex. This means that if a woman rejects you, it’s not necessarily because of you.

Perhaps she’s due her period, or perhaps she’s already dating someone and doesn't want too much going on at once. The exact reasons will rarely be obvious.

One thing, however, is clear: that no-one gets rid of dating anxiety by not dating. Rather, your shyness will dissipate of its own accord as your brain learns, over time, that dating mishaps and rejection are not the end of the world.

With this in mind: get down to business and don’t give up! 😊

Have fun flirting, kissing and… !